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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25936462">fear and decision</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/anattemptatwordbending/pseuds/anattemptatwordbending'>anattemptatwordbending</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Avatar: The Last Airbender</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Panic Attacks, i would die for either of them, katara is protective and we LOVE her, platonic bros</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 05:47:07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,848</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25936462</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/anattemptatwordbending/pseuds/anattemptatwordbending</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Zuko and Katara help each other through old scars and new struggles.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Katara &amp; Zuko (Avatar)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>98</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. zuko</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>i just LOVE them</p>
<p>(also its a tradition now to have a note for my sister here so ilyyyy thank u for being nice about my attempts to make the words go)</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Katara found Zuko hidden in a storage closet. He was backed into it as far as he could, shaking and crying. When she opened the door, he put his hands in front of his face, frantically pleading.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry, please, I won’t do it again, don’t hurt me, I’m loyal, <em>please,</em>” his words stabbed a knife through her heart.</p>
<p>“Zuko,” she said desperately. “It’s me, Zuko, it’s Katara, I’m not gonna hurt you.”</p>
<p>He looked at Katara, and she could see his eyes, huge and scared. They darted around the room, like he was looking for someone else. “Hey,” she said softly. “It’s just me, okay?” </p>
<p>He didn’t seem as scared, so Katara made a move to step forward, but that sent him back into a panic, pressing himself against the wall and covering his face. He was breathing much too fast.</p>
<p>“Okay, okay,” Katara said, cursing herself for not being more careful. “I’m not gonna come closer.” She slowly lowered herself to the ground where she was and stayed there. After a minute, Zuko moved his hands from his face and looked at her.</p>
<p>“You’re safe,” Katara whispered. “I’m not gonna hurt you.”</p>
<p>Zuko didn’t speak, still shaking, tears rolling down his cheeks. “You’re okay,” Katara said, over and over, because it’s all she could think to say.</p>
<p>“Katara,” he whispered, his voice weak, after a minute.</p>
<p>“Yes, it’s me,” she said. “I won’t hurt you.”</p>
<p>“It was my fault, wasn’t it,” Zuko murmured.</p>
<p>“...What?”</p>
<p>“It was my fault that-- when he-- it was my fault,” Zuko rocked back and forth, staring at the ceiling, his tears trailing down his neck. </p>
<p>“What are you talking about?”</p>
<p>“That he hurt me. My fault.” </p>
<p>“Zuko,” Katara breathed. “Of <em>course</em> it wasn’t your fault.”</p>
<p>“I was always stupid,” Zuko said, seeming not to hear Katara. “I was always a failure. If I had worked <em>harder,</em> if I’d been like <em>Azula</em>… I deserved it. I deserved it.” He ripped his hands through his hair, his breathing harsh. “I <em>deserved</em> it.”</p>
<p>“No, Zuko. He was a monster. You didn’t deserve <em>any</em> of that, Zuko, I--” she didn’t know how to continue. She didn’t want to accidentally raise her voice. She took a deep breath.</p>
<p>“Zuko. You were thirteen. You <em>did not</em> deserve what he did to you.”</p>
<p>“I did.”</p>
<p>“You did not, Zuko, <em>nothing</em> would have made you deserve that.”</p>
<p>“I did! He said I did.”</p>
<p>“Your dad?”</p>
<p>“No,” Zuko’s voice wavered. “At the meeting today. One of the people. He told me I <em>deserved</em> it.”</p>
<p>Katara felt the red-hot rage rise in her throat. “He was wrong,” she said, and her voice trembled. “He was completely wrong. <em>Zuko</em>, you have to believe me.”</p>
<p>“I want to,” Zuko said unsteadily. “But I can’t, I just <em>can’t,</em>” he dissolved into another round of tears.</p>
<p>Katara watched him helplessly, wanting to help, <em>needing</em> to help, but she didn’t know how.</p>
<p>“You were <em>thirteen,</em>” she whispered.</p>
<p>“I was thirteen.”</p>
<p>She couldn’t keep her own tears from welling up. “Zuko, you were so young. You didn’t even do anything wrong.”</p>
<p>“I didn’t… I did. I disrespected him in his war room,” Zuko said automatically, like he’d justified it hundreds of times before. Katara wanted to be sick.</p>
<p>“You were trying to save lives, and <em>Zuko,</em> that doesn’t matter, you were a child, nothing would have justified what he did.”</p>
<p>Zuko looked at the ground and then up at Katara. He held out his hand, which was trembling. She took it gently. “You’re gonna be okay,” Katara whispered.</p>
<p>“I will,” Zuko said uncertainly.</p>
<p>“Yes, you will.”</p>
<p>“I don’t-- I still feel…” he gestured vaguely, his mouth open like he was trying to say it, his eyes still a little unfocused. </p>
<p>“That’s okay,” Katara said. “There’s no rush.” He looked at her gratefully.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry,” Zuko said abruptly. “I didn’t mean to interrupt your day or anything, I just--”</p>
<p>Katara cut him off. “Don’t apologize,” she said firmly. “Listen, you feeling safe and okay is always gonna be way more important than anything else. Alright?”</p>
<p>“Same with you,” Zuko said softly. “I know you don’t get-- like this, really, but if you’re ever feeling sad or scared, I wanna help. You lost so much in the war too.”</p>
<p>Katara blinked and nodded. “Thanks, Zuko.”</p>
<p>Just then, someone knocked on the closet door, and Zuko flinched backward, his breath quickening again. “It’s okay, it’s okay,” Katara whispered to him. </p>
<p>“Who is it?” She called to the person outside the door, her hand still tight in Zuko’s.</p>
<p>“It’s a guard making sure Firelord Zuko is alright,” a deep voice said, before opening the door. His form made Zuko shrink back, putting his hands over his face again. (Katara realized he was protecting his scar.)</p>
<p>“He’s fine,” Katara said, hoping the guard would leave soon before sending Zuko into a full-fledged panic. </p>
<p>“Very well,” the guard said, retreating and closing the door. Katara guessed they were fairly used to this with Zuko, which hurt her heart.</p>
<p>“Why does it have to be so hard for me to just exist?” Zuko asked quietly after a minute.</p>
<p>“It’s not fair,” Katara said. “But you have us.”</p>
<p>“I’ll never be able to make you understand how much you guys saved me.”</p>
<p>“You don’t have to.”</p>
<p>Zuko wiped at his face with his hands. “Agni, I don’t-- I can’t ever get <em>rid</em> of him,” he started to look agitated again.</p>
<p>“<em>Zuko,</em>” Katara said. “You might still be scared of him, but he doesn’t control you anymore, okay? He doesn’t have any real power over you, even if you sometimes feel like he does.”</p>
<p>“He’s still hurting me,” Zuko murmured. “Even when he can’t get to me, I still have to remember, and--” his voice cracked and he shook his head.</p>
<p>“You’ll get through this,” Katara said. “You’ll get through it every time, and you’ll be okay.”</p>
<p>“It doesn’t feel like it,” Zuko said quietly.</p>
<p>“I know. But you will.”</p>
<p>Zuko nodded. “Thank you.”</p>
<p>“I love you.”</p>
<p>~~~</p>
<p>“How dare you say that to him?” Katara said fiercely. She’d found the man through the help of another young woman Katara had befriended who attended the meetings.</p>
<p>“Say what?” the man asked. Oh, so he was playing dumb. Fine.</p>
<p>“You know <em>what</em>,” she hissed, her jaw clenched.</p>
<p>“What are you gonna do about it?” the man asked tauntingly. Katara drew the water from her satchel before he could blink, twisting it through her fingers. He took a hesitant step back, his smug expression slipping just a little.</p>
<p>“I wouldn’t ask that question,” she warned, smiling at him through her anger. “Maybe I can’t fire you, but what if I just <em>slipped</em>--” she exaggeratedly stumbled forward, letting her fingers pull the water into an icy point in front of his face. He tripped backward, all traces of superiority gone.</p>
<p>“The Firelord sent you to threaten me,” he said with dawning realization.</p>
<p>“Nope,” Katara responded brightly. “He’d never do that. But I would. So watch what you say to my brother.” She knew she shouldn’t take joy from his fear, but he’d <em>hurt</em> Zuko, and she wouldn’t let anyone get away with that, not on her watch. </p>
<p>He put his hands up. “Okay,” he said. “I understand.” Katara nodded, drawing her water back into her satchel and turning on her heel.</p>
<p>~~~</p>
<p>Zuko still wasn’t doing well. He was a lot better than when Katara had found him in the morning, but he was still shaky, flinching at loud noises. He was quietly drinking tea with Iroh when Katara returned. </p>
<p>“Oh good, you are back. I have to get back to my shop, if that is alright with you, Zuko,” he looked to Zuko. “I will stay if you want me to.”</p>
<p>“I’m okay,” Zuko murmured. Iroh nodded and swept out of the room. Katara sat where he’d been sitting.</p>
<p>“You okay?” she asked quietly. Zuko nodded, looking into his tea.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry,” he said. “I’m so hard to have in people’s lives. I’m so much work.” It sounded like he had been thinking about it for a while.</p>
<p>“You know none of us mind, Zuko.”</p>
<p>Zuko looked up, his eyes helpless. “How would I know? I can’t read minds. All I know is that I freak out a ton and my friends have to stop what they’re doing to help, like I can’t even take care of myself. And noone else does it like I do.”</p>
<p>“We’re all kids who’ve been through way too much. I’m never bothered when Aang comes to my room crying in the middle of the night because he’s had another nightmare, or when Toph refuses help because she feels like we think she’s weak. Why would it be different for you?”</p>
<p>“I’m older,” Zuko mumbled. “I should have things figured out.”</p>
<p>“You think Sokka is just smiles and jokes all the time? You think I don’t still lay awake every night and blame myself for my mother?”</p>
<p>“I-- I’m sorry,” Zuko said after a moment.</p>
<p>“That’s not the point,” Katara said softly. “The point is we all struggle. You’ve been through so much, Zuko, it’s amazing how strong you are, but it’s <em>okay</em> that you’re not okay. If you need help, we want to be there. You’re our family.”</p>
<p>“...Oh. Okay. Thank you.”</p>
<p>Katara sat with Zuko in silence while he drank his tea, his hands only trembling a little.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. katara</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Zuko found Katara alone in her room. She hadn’t shown up to lunch, so he’d gone looking for her.</p><p>“Come in,” she’d said, her voice teary, when he knocked.</p><p>“Katara?” He asked, opening the door. “Are you alright?” She was curled up in her bed, her eyes red. So not alright then.</p><p>Katara looked at him for a moment and then gasped. “Oh, Tui and La, I forgot about lunch,” she cursed. “I’m so sorry.”</p><p>“Forget about it,” Zuko said, concerned. “Are you okay?”</p><p>“Yeah, I just-- my dad sent a letter. He offered for me to move back. They’re working on construction for the new residents coming in, I’d be helpful because I’m a waterbender, and I’d get to live near him again…” she trailed off, looking down.</p><p>Zuko sat on the edge of her bed. “We won’t be mad if you choose to go back,” he assured her. He’d be devastated, of course, but he wanted her to choose her own path. </p><p>She looked up, a tear trailing down her cheek. “It’s just… I don’t. I want to stay here. It doesn’t make sense, I <em>should</em> want to go home, I should want to help, and be with my family. But… you guys are my family now too. Sokka, and Aang, and Toph and you, I can’t imagine leaving you guys. And I think my calling is here, helping heal the soldiers in the hospitals, and hanging out with you guys, and getting tea at the teashop. But I don’t want my dad to think I don’t need him anymore. That I don’t care anymore.”</p><p>Zuko put his hand on her shoulder comfortingly. “Your dad will support you no matter what choice you make.”</p><p>She choked out a sob. “What if he thinks I’m abandoning him?”</p><p>Zuko pulled her into a hug, and she cried into his shoulder. “He won’t,” he murmured. </p><p>“He might.”</p><p>“He should be happy that you’re happy.”</p><p>“He’ll act that way, but what if some part of him thinks I don’t love him anymore?” She sounded terrified.</p><p>“Of course he’ll know you still love him,” Zuko tried to assure her.</p><p>“How am I gonna tell him?” she was getting increasingly agitated, pushing Zuko back and twisting her hands together. “What do I say, <em>sorry dad but I care more about the people here and I hate my tribe so bye?”</em></p><p>“I’ll help you write it,” Zuko said. “You can talk about the people in the hospitals that you’re healing. About how you have so many opportunities here. About how you don’t want to leave Sokka alone. You could tell him you miss him every day, but you feel that this is where you belong right now.”</p><p>Katara blinked, tears still falling down her face. “Oh. Thank you,” she whispered. “That sounds really good.”</p><p>“You’re gonna be okay,” Zuko said. “He’s going to understand.”</p><p>“I hope so.”</p><p>“You can still visit each other, too.”</p><p>“True.”</p><p>“See?” Zuko said reassuringly. “We can handle this.”</p><p>“I guess,” she responded shakily.</p><p>~~~</p><p>Katara put her head in her hands. “This is so <em>hard</em>,” she mumbled, tears in her voice. Iroh came in holding two steaming cups of tea.</p><p>“How’s it going?” he asked, passing a cup to Zuko and one to Katara, who moved her hands from her face to take it. Zuko nodded a thanks.</p><p>“It’s difficult,” Zuko explained, at the same time that Katara muttered, “Not good.”</p><p>Iroh looked between the two of them, and Zuko hoped he had some little piece of wisdom that would make this letter-writing a little easier.</p><p>“Write with your heart,” he said. “Katara, if you truly write how you feel, your father will hear it, and he will be happy that you have chosen to stay, because he will know you are happy. It’s not about the words, it’s about the meaning you’re trying to convey.” </p><p>Zuko looked at Katara. She closed her eyes for a moment, and then picked up the pen and started to write. </p><p>~~~</p><p>Zuko tied the letter to the messenger hawk’s leg, because Katara’s hands were shaking too much to do it. She put her hand on Zuko’s shoulder to steady herself.</p><p>“Wait, don’t send it yet,” she said quickly. “I-- do I really want to do this?”</p><p>“You can always change your mind,” Zuko reminded her. </p><p>Katara paused for a minute. Zuko let her think.</p><p>“Okay,” Katara said weakly. “Okay. Yes. Send it.” She shut her eyes like she was in pain, and Zuko let the bird out of the window before she could second-guess it again. </p><p>“Tui and La,” Katara muttered, her eyes filling with tears. “Did I really just do that?” </p><p>She was shaking, so Zuko slowly lowered her to the ground, sitting beside her. “You did what you wanted,” Zuko said softly. “It was the right decision.”</p><p>Katara traced her finger on the floor. “First he lost mom, and now Sokka and I? I abandoned him, I let him down.” Her voice trembled, full of the self-hatred Zuko was so familiar with. It hurt to hear it coming from her.</p><p>“You made the choice that was best for you, that’s what he would have wanted. And he is not alone in the Water Tribe. He has his crewmates, and the rest of your village.”</p><p>“Yeah,” she said shakily. “But I’m his daughter.”</p><p>“He’ll be glad you’ve found the right place for yourself.” Zuko knew that was how fathers were supposed to be. And he was happy Katara had someone like that. </p><p>“Maybe,” Katara whispered. A tear fell to the ground. Zuko took her hand. It was cold. </p><p>“You’re gonna be okay, okay?”</p><p>Katara nodded, looking up at Zuko. “Thank you,” she said. “I don’t think I could have done that-- I don’t think I would have been able to without your help.”</p><p>“I’m always here for you.”</p><p>“I know. So am I. You’re my big brother.”</p><p>Zuko’s voice was thick when he spoke again, trying not to think of how Azula used to say that to him. “And you’re my little sister.”</p><p>~~~</p><p>Katara burst into his study with the letter, giving it to him quickly like she thought it would burn her. It was still sealed. “What if he’s angry?” she muttered, pacing across the room. “What if he feels betrayed?”</p><p>“Katara,” Zuko said soothingly. “It’s gonna be okay.”</p><p>“I don’t want to open it,” Katara said, her voice higher than usual. “You do it, I can’t.”</p><p>“Are you sure?”</p><p>“Yeah. Yeah, I’m sure.” she drew her water out of her satchel and started twisting it through her fingers quickly. Zuko opened the letter.</p><p>
  <em>Dearest Katara,</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I am so happy to hear that you have found the place where you belong. Don’t worry, we are doing well here. Construction is moving quickly, and though I miss you every waking moment, it makes me so proud to know you are in the Fire Nation helping save people’s lives. </em>
</p><p>There was more, but Zuko pressed it into Katara’s trembling hands. Her eyes lit up after reading the first line, and she didn’t move until a minute later, when she dropped the letter. “You were right,” she breathed, beaming. “Zuko, you were right!” </p><p>“I told you so,” Zuko mumbled good-naturedly. Katara tackled him into a hug. </p><p>“Oh, thank the spirits,” Katara said, pulling back. Her eyes were bright. “And thank <em>you,</em> Zuko.”</p><p>“Oh. Uh, you’re welcome.” (Zuko really didn’t know how to take compliments.)</p><p>“Now let’s go to lunch before Toph finally snaps and murders me.”</p><p>“The most powerful earthbender vs. the most powerful waterbender… I would love to see that fight.”</p><p>“We both know Toph would win, you don’t have to pretend.”</p><p>“Okay good, I wasn’t sure.” Katara punched him.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>if you liked it leave a comment and i will c r y of happiness</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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